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Thursday, July 7, 2011

New Links For Yoo

Added some new links to the paltry list on your right. I won't be adding many over time, you see, only the tiptop of my Favorites list. Perhaps there are more of you out there that have my particular problem of harboring far too many obsessions which may or may not have some connection to each other. Hours are spent with ever-drying eyeballs screaming for moisture as you stare, owl-like, at the thirty two different tabs you've opened, slowing your computer down to a painful crawl. You hear a tiny voice inside your laptop (that sounds like a man wearing an elf suit in my laptop) begging for the madness to stop, but you plow on. Each new site you find triggers yet more openings of tabs until your button below switches from the name of the website to "ENOUGH ALREADY." An alphabetically-sorted Rolodex of all these "interests" of mine would fill a wheel the size of the Price Is Right's Big Wheel, but for sanity's sake I post here only-

1) MLP-related sites
2) 80s-related sites
3) "Retro" sites that may span a number of decades
4) Kitsch sites that focus on the weirdness of times past
5) Sites that do not relate to anything above but somehow, in some dark recess of my mind, may still relate to something I post here. I may also be rubbing my hands together diabolically in hopes that you, too, will become obsessed with the topic on the site.

I have a thing about researching the history of the Chernobyl disaster, but, really, I think that's going a bit too far to link to that stuff, isn't it? There's the vague connection of "Chernobyl happened in the 80s" and "MLP was born in the 80s" but that's stretching it so far a giant slingshot would be jealous. Though if reading about cheerful plastic ponies ever makes you consider the implications of a serious Soviet nuclear disaster that happened over twenty years ago, I will be more than happy to provide you with links!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

It's 20% Cooler Over Here With Us

Over at the Estate, some ponies were going through their daily ritual of watching the new cartoon. They were having a Ponydipendence Day party that night, filled with hours of nonstop FiM action, and couldn't even get through the preparations before they had to sneak in more cartoon time.  Their blissful adoration of the show was about to be interrupted by the negative neighing of a hater...

"What are you weirdos watching? Why are the front gates moved? I heard you ell-oh-elling from all the way over in the pasture and you sound like a bunch of geese honking!"

"We're having a big party tonight and needed room! And we're watching Friendship is Magic! It's seriously the best show ever. It's so funny, and it's got some really cute lessons, and it...."

"Are you serious?! First, I wouldn't watch that show if it was the last show that could ever enter my retinas before I became completely blind. Second, that show is for fillies. Do I look like a filly? You'll never meet a more chiseled and macho display of fine quality stallion in your life. Unless the ponies die by the hand of Thoof, the Horsz God in a bloody and brutal battle, I'll leave that tripe for the chicks."

"He. Did. Not."
"Look, I just got my hooves painted, but this guy is worth ruining my ponicure for. A nicely placed hoof right in the...."
"Girls, girls, we need to remember to love and tolerate the haters! What would Pinkie do?!"

"It sounds like you really need to tone down your anger, my friend! Maybe some pony goodness would calm your frazzled nerves. Why don't you come watch some with us?"
"Okay, that's just weird. I need to go beat up somepony to get this happy squishy love crap off my hide. You go ahead and enjoy your little girly show without me."

Eh, they were used to this by now. Guess he hadn't heard about the fact that so many stallions and colts were watching the show now that they proudly called themselves Bronies. The girls rolled their eyes...Talk about out of the paddock loop, huh?!...and got back to their preparations...

 "So who's bringing the snacks?"
"Well, I invited a bunch of those ponies with the food marks so we should be all set. They always bring the best snacks. Last time, one brought a whole stinkin' taco truck with her!"
"Oooooh, I hope you invited her again!"
"Of course! And the other one known for bringing, like, forty dozen cookies. And she knows not to bring anything crappy like wafer cookies or those windmill-shape ones that taste like wallpaper paste!"

"You brought....fruit snacks? Like an industrial-sized box of fruit snacks? Where are the cookies? The clover chip ones?"
"Well, I'm kind of on a diet. Trying to cut back a little, you know? When I scraped both sides of my rear-end going into my stall door the other day I sorta realized it was game over."

"Actually, I'm pretty hungry. You guys mind if I just sort of have these to myself?"
"Go ahead! Be my guest! It's not a big deal at all that you brought a thousand bags of fruit boogers and nothing else!"
"Okay, great! I might have some of those windmill cookies around if you guys want want?"
"Thanks, but no! I had my patty of paste glue for the day already, I'm stuffed!"

"Well, I can always count on you to bring something sinful! Got some Bear Tracks or French Silk? I got a brand-new ice cream scoop to use!"
"Uh, having a few issues, challenges sort of, with my, you know, weight."
"Hey, I like froyo too! So what you got? Vanilla?"

"Erm, I brought some cones. They're fat free! Really, if you don't think about it, you don't need the ice cream!"

"Oh, you nailed my sweet tooth head on there, girl. Why have ice cream when you can have imaginary ice cream instead? Where's my nitro glycerine? My heart's just going all a-flutter over the thought."
"Seriously, it's not that bad! You just picture what flavor you want and then you....uh....why are there like ten million bags of fruit snacks all over the ground?"
"Don't ask."

"Yeah! It's my taco truck girlfriend! My mouth's watering already because you always bring chow that's the bomb! What'chu got, chica?!"

"I got beans."

"Beans. Sure, makes sense to me! Why not at this rate?! Pasture always needs more fertilizer! I think I got some dried-up rock-hard Peeps in the kitchen, sound good?"

Despite the lack of anything junky enough to serve as party food, the fillies settled in for their pony fix and were soon rolling on the ground laughing like always. They were so engrossed with their favorite show that they missed the snobby stallion's return, this time with a colt friend of his.....


"Ha! Look at those morons. I seriously can't believe that anypony sits around watching this girl stuff and has any dignity left. I'm so glad I'm not a filly. Talk about wussy!"

"Actually, the show's really good. You should watch it sometime. It's not just for girls and little foals."
"Do you have a concussion?"

"You know what? You go ahead. I'm going to stay here and watch too."

Now it was getting personal! This stupid show stole his friend away when he had a big night of billiards and gorging on buffalo-style carrots planned! Irritated by their constant laughing on top of it, the stallion came by again later ready to humiliate the girls. He had a nice string of one-liners he thought up while he got in his gallop around the track, just waiting to be fired off....
 But when he got there, he found something he didn't expect.....

"There's a bunch of colts here. Colts. Hey, boys! Do you need me to bring you some tea and crumpets to go with your frilly froo-froo TV show?!"

"That's not cool, bro."
"Yeah, you must be really out of touch. Everypony watches this show, even us bronies. It's really rad."
"Totally. Everypony should watch it. Why don't you come watch it with us, bro?"

"You look like you have some rage issues. Do you have rage issues?"
"That's nothing the ponies can't fix. Why don't you come watch with us? Have a dry ice cream cone or some beans?"

One of the colts nods his head to a spot amongst the fruit snacks the stallion could edge himself into..
"Hey, we got space right over here, bro. C'mon. You'll love it."
"Yeah, man. Join the herd. Everypony watches this show now, you're really missing out thinkin' it's only for girls."
"Seriously, it seems like more colts watch it now than fillies. It's hilarious, man."
"I still think he has rage issues."
"Dude, it's gonna happen someday. You're gonna avoid it and avoid it and one day, you'll see the light. So stop bein' a tool and chill with us. Check the ponies out. You'll see what we mean."

"It will be over my cold, hardened, rotted corpse before I watch girl stuff!"

But later that night, much, much later, after the last cone had been crunched and the last fruit snack gummed, the stallion snuck back to the Estate. Nopony was around to witness his infraction against stallionkind. I'll just watch a couple minutes. Then, once I confirm how much it sucks, I'll have tons more material to rip them a new one with! Under the cover of darkness, he pulled up an episode...

"I can't wait to see how bad this is! This is gonna be like shootin' fish in a barrel, just too easy. I am gonna never let these idiot ponies live down the fact that they're dudes watching a chick show!"

"Heh. That was kinda funny."

"Ha! Okay, that was really funny. Probably just a fluke. I mean, what could be so great about this show that everypony loves it so much? It was probably just this episode, the next one will be lame."

Two hours later....


The girls were shocked to find the stallion glued to the computer when they got up the next day. At first bracing themselves for another round with the big jerk, the realization of what was taking place slowly dawned on them. Smiles started to creep onto their faces....

 "What ya dooooooin' over there, buddy? Watching....some shows?"
"Hi, friends! I'm havin' some Nutella and chillin' with the 'Pie and the gang! Wanna join me?"

They looked at each other with knowing glances...
"Yeah, we got another one, didn't we?"

Friday, July 1, 2011

Nod to the Bronies

Working on some posts. Granted, I have a clog of stories for the Episodes that is truly fearsome at this point, but the next Episode hinges on the creation of a trailer (as in the kind you hitch to your car) and so far all I have is a pathetic heap of Tinkertoys that is aspiring to be a trailer someday. So, of course, it's a lot easier to crank out some Interludes while I continue to hope that the pile of Tinkertoys will magically become a trailer on its own some night.

So, Bronies. I'm still kind of blown away by the whole Brony thing because just a few short months ago a lot of pony people kind of had to keep it on the DL, Fluttershy-style, when it came to pony adoration. Though the haters usually did me a favor by outing themselves as wastes of my time before I had to waste any of it on them. Really? So being into a fun, innocent collectors' group and loving it is beyond your scope of what adults do? Yay! Do not pass Go! Do not collect $200! Go directly to Not My Kind Of Person Avenue! Kindly turn out the lights as you leave! Noooooooow, we not only have grown-up dudes watching Friendship is Magic but they're being loud and proud about it.

And they say society is spiraling the drain! Unpossible. Boys are watching My Little Pony. Boys of the adult man variety. DH is watching FiM as I write this. How does that hoofprint in your bee-hind feel, haters? Enjoying that hoofburn?! Wishing you hadn't said anyth.....urghhh...I know...I know! Less neener-neener, more love and rainbows, right? 

Bronies, I salute you. I will be honoring you here on PTT with some Interludes of your very own.

Real men know the others just need to be 20% cooler.